I’m on this Norwegian fjord cruise. It’s like the 2 hour tour variety, not the port to port type. It’s an electric boat. And def not three house tour. It is point to point though, I’m taking a train back the way I came. Cool. Everyone’s a fucking photographer. Cameras. Camera phones. iPhones. Canon DLSRs. Some dude has a GoPro set up right by the flag taking up valuable handrail viewing space. Yeah. That’s me. I can focus on being present instead of the photos. The Gram. The noise. Fuck that. Me and the nephs are too busy living it up right about now. Later, we can look at those pictures and video. How do you say cheers in Norwegian?

Timespacing on this ship through one of the narrowest fjords in the world with this camera all on autopilot. Think about it, by then, later will be right now when we watch these time-lapses. Great Scott, Marty!

Bergen Norway serves as my first real vacating on what is now the 10th day of the vacation. Situated not far from the Atlantic coast, Bergen is the second largest city in Norway…

Butt.

Fooled you.

We’re not actually in a city. Nope. Negative. Not in Bergen, not the center anyway. We go further out of it every day too.

We are staying and sleeping all up in the mountains. Overlooking it all. Hostel Bergen Montana. Fuck. Yes. Montana heart. Mountains are the closest thing I have to a religion, fight me about it. Been on holiday, been exclusively in cities for it up to this point, and for like three days at a pop. Find a city, find myself a city to live. This ain’t seven years in Tibet though it damn sure is five nights in the mountains. We went to the city or a half day. By day five we’ve mostly hiked and hiked and taken trains and aforementioned electric cruise ships through scenery unsurpassed and hiked and eaten whale and hiked and well, all types of shit. Now, like right now on day 5, I’m just doing casual “work” stuff in the hostel common living room with an amazing view…

It’s like I live there. Paying bills. Setting schedules. Taking phone calls and zoom meetings. This type of shit. I’m recalling that MTV show Cribs, where we’d all get a “candid” look at “celebrity” “homes”. I use quotations not for hyperbole, show or effect, but more in jest of the idea that these words are appropriately being used. Or even mean anything anymore. Absurdity indeed. This is heavy, Doc.

By any means necessary, my mind drifts into a personalized version of what my personal episode of the show would look like — you know — should I ever lose my goddamn mind and go in front of a camera. It could be right here. In Norway. In this hostel, no less. Well, maybe outside of it. Picture it, I idiotically play show and tell with my viewing audience of couch-bound, mouth-breathing sleep walkers about my fjord-front yard. I point at the view and everyone would pull out their phones and snap pics of the video of it on their larger device screens, oohing and awing, or something before posting it on their X. Then I say, oh just wait til you see the mountains we have out back, before cutting to commercial breaks brought to you by every version of every product you don’t ever need. Afterward, we’d get to see the extensively robust daily breakfast buffet and wonderfully clean unisex showers. I definitely wouldn’t show you my dollar box (shoutout to Redman, one of the greatest ever if you consider how well he has navigated and manifested longevity with ever increasing success). We’d end the episode of course rocking with the daily FREE coffee and cookies hangout at 1700. Thats socialism at 5pm for the uninitiated. Once all my various points-of-view in my cerebellum streamline back to the singular reality, I still feel like I live here. With this view. Every day. This refreshed. Imma let the photos do the rest of the typing. Norway, you done did the damn thing my dude. Tusen takk!