Flathead County. Flathead Lake. Flathead Reservation. Flathead River. Someone important must have had a really really flat head to get all this named in their honor and likeness. I’m here in Flathead State Park, West Shore Unit Campground. This is before I pass out in tent before the sun sets. This is before I feast on most of the rest of the food I’m carrying. This is just after I bath and cool off in the refreshing waters of Flathead Lake at the day use area. Day Use Deus. These parks are gods amongst us mere mortals. Petra and I float along in the waves of lake, more substantial than normal as there’s a solid wind from the east. This is after we fight that wind for miles and miles in another 100° scorcher of a day. Let’s jump to somewhere in the middle of all this.

Chad tells me his daily ride synopsis every evening. Like I care. Like he’s looking for validation on what happened. He’s waiting on my co-sign to ensure this is what happened? And this synopsis is after he sounds it out loud word by word, sounding like some sort of childish retard telling me his day. I’d have more patience for the short bus kid than I do with Chad, a 50 year old high school ENGLISH teacher who right now sounds like an idiot who can’t read or speak. Rode… To… Had… Lunch… Camped… At… You might be offended that I use the “r” word; I’m offended that you’re reading this and are actually offend-able by anyone’s words; I’m also kinda offended at Chad for thinking I wanna hear him figure his daily diary out loud. Enjoy the silence.Stick and stones.

So a la Steal this Book or Steal this Movie or Steal this Album, I’m stealing his points for this one to show than no idea is original and seeking the approval of others is a waste of goddamn time.

1 Chatted with Angela, owner of Circle Saw Campground. She took over the camp when she lost two brothers within ten months. Side note: She knows my family in whitefish, and clearly has had some good times with some of them. I don’t implore too much because if I know some of my Montana cousins, I might not wanna really find out much more.

2 The Big Draw wildfire ends up as not a problem for us. Side note: It had been cleared with expedience, we sweat having to turn back for 18-20 miles (aka 2-3 hours) before seeing that our path forward is clear, though many more fires abound and the skies remain hazy as fuck today. Side side note: Shoutout to the wildland firefighters of Montana busting ass right now so I can be on vacation. Maybe one day I’ll repay the favor and pull one of them from a burning hotel room in Lackawanna. While fire is fire, fighting a fire in the wild and one in a structure is very different. Yin meet Yang.

3 Lunch at Chuck Wagon Bar & Grill with a Seattle to Whitefish randonneur cyclist, a few of them are doing it in 5 days. Side note: these guys are cool and all, but they are just weekend warriors with longer weekends. Typically just wealthier guys carrying nothing but water bottles on their lightweight bikes, their partners following them in SAG cars, pushing 100+ miles a day and sleeping in hotels. I got love for them, but it’s not even close to the same thing that we’re doing, other than the bicycling itself. Side side Note: dude was from Cleveland, went to Ohio State and worked for Boening straight out of college. Without any prompting or prodding he gets all defensive player of the year over airplane safety. Side side side note: it’s Taco Tuesday here and the fish tacos are slammin like the Iron Sheik in the 80’s. Allah u taco-bar.

4 Highway 93 is a rough stretch of road riding with large trucks and fast moving vehicles. Side note: we spent about a third of our mileage on this road today. This is Chad’s first time in Montana so I originally wasn’t gonna say it but: no shit Sherlock. Everyone knows folks drive crazy on 93 between Missoula and Kalispell. Like everyone. Even last night’s camp host Angela makes a mention of the drivers in this road before we leave. Trucks. Bigger trucks. Trailers. RVs. Sport Utility wagons. Shit, did I almost just get brushed off by a goddamn golf cart going 90 mph on this highway?!

Chad has a fifth point about this campground and omits the lake bath. Which earlier today he was loving. So yeah, his synopsis kinda sucks for leaving that out. And it sucks in general. Stymying my creative process and ruining my vibe as the kids might say. Nonetheless, I started 752 miles away in Astoria Oregon and now I’m here. Now I’m motherfucking here: Flathead fa sho. One more day of riding and we arrive into Whitefish one day before the rest of my family and two days before the actual reunion weekend. While not on the level of the tree gods it spoke gods, over the last two weeks in state parks and national forests we (yes even Chad) are nothing but gods in our own right. Day Use Deus.