Day 3. 189 Miles. Enter Sand, Man.

If you’re just coming in and were not yet aware, three is the magic number. I promised wild UFO shit and stopped at three of the five stations and donated a quarter. Pretty weird stuff here gang.

No poop. No coffee. Out the RV door and rolling. Somewhat windy, but 15 miles back on Interstate 8 to a store in Ocotillo and we descend something like 3000 feet. I’m not even pedaling as I violate the posted 35 mph speed limit. I can feel my right foot start to twitch as I hit 40+ mph – so I tap the break just a tad and in just time for a swirling mountain wind to come around the corner and try to push me over from the left. The winds are formidably unpredictable; we cover that 15 miles in 40 minutes and tuck into the Red Feather Cafe for coffee and breakfast.

We’ve now got nothing but low desert from here to Phoenix. With a flat earth scenario in front of us, we put the 33 miles to Calexico in our pocket. We fill up water and crush some lunch. I’ve totally got a crush on these Mexicano pedialyte electrolyte drinks I’ve been, they help me against cramping and taste way better than the USA versions. I really really wanna start calling them Mexicolectrolytes. It’s hard to say, so I keep practicing.

Both Damon and I have our passports on us, ready to cross the border into Mexicali. Mainly because I’ve never been there but also just cause I’m honestly tired of all these worldwide travel restrictions. Anyway. If you’re keeping score on the interwebs, the We-Didn’t-Go-To-Mexicos are winning 1-0. Though one might argue that I’m already in 🇲🇽. But that’s a subject for another blog. Miles and miles of wall is the subject Damon and I tackle in our typically point for point fashion. We’re debate fashionistos bitches. I’m astounded at the cost of a wall up and over mountains for what purpose? The desert and the mountains are very effective natural walls. Out here riding on this very quiet road with absolutely nothing else around drives home how remote a place we are in. I say to Damon “Should someone actually make it through alive on foot, I’d have to offer them some water and find out why they’d go through all that”. Damon remarks at the human capital expensed on building, maintaining, and arguing about this wall. He’s right too. He expands. Some are against immigration because of ignorance. Some because of economics. I tell him I’m all in on America leading when it comes to immigration policy. Maybe study models that other nations are using and creatively adapt them to our own needs and circumstances. Instead we don’t lead in shit. Wait. Actually we do lead in shit. America puts out more shit than anywhere else, at least figuratively. US and A!

We’re pushing another 30 miles out side by side without saying anything to each other. Soaking up the vastness of the space. Coming up toward Yuma, we have to get back on Interstate 8 and it’s just no bueno amigo. Four miles of that crap and we call it quits for the day alongside the Imperial Sand Dunes. That 85 miles feels like 85 miles right now. I pop up the castle for the first time this trip and suddenly I’ve got the entire kingdom around me, my reign set against the backdrop of a magnificent sunset synchronized below a perfect crescent moon. Head. Pillow. Snore.

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Arranged to be unreachable

Get in your DeLorean and time travel to ten days ago, when I’m watching The Undoing on HBO. Wishing I wasn’t. Wishing I was in actual physical pain rather than psychosomatic actual pain. Climbing hills in what my research has indicated is quite a formidable section of my route known as “Texas Hill Country”, not the hills of pandemic boredom, depression, and loneliness in my mind that are now reaching full human gestation level shittiness. Call it somber AF without the sobriety. Needless to say, remote stretches soothe my soul. Solitude is a cure. I’m arranging to be as unreachable as possible. Even if there was phone service, I wouldn’t know. Because my phone stays in airplane mode all day. It’s just a map. A jukebox. A camera. A notepad. So I’m gonna need you to go ahead and leave a message at the tone.

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Day 2. 104 Miles. Winding Up.

Just listen to the wind blow. Let it blow. Let it blow. Sand over my trail. Got my saddle on the ground and that ol moon can still be found high in the desert sky.

A little bit of my personal day two morning statistics:

  • 8 hours of sleep
  • 1 lodge-provided hot breakfast
  • 2 💩
  • 15 miles
  • 2500 feet elevation gain
  • 3 mph average speed

Fast forward and Damon and I are in Pine Valley having lunch. We are gassed… without the gasoline. Yesterday’s climb didn’t even compare to this morning’s; we both agree stopping short was a food idea. I’m still processing the 4 miles of Interstate Highway 8 we also just had to ride. I’ve never rode on one before. ‘Twas my first but shan’t be my last. It’s illegal as fuck in the Empire State but here in the Golden State it’s sometimes the only way you can gain passage via bicycle. I thought it would be a bit more unnerving, but the well-maintained ten foot shoulder treats me well. Plenty of little dick energy flies by at 90mph, though I’ll spare you the details.

After lunch, we’re in Cleveland National Forest and reach 4,200 feet of elevation and I’m fixating on the dropping temperature and increasing winds. One might call it concerning. I get a weather notification about a High Wind Warning. 20-25 mph sustained winds with 50-60 mph gusts. I’m going to call it down right alarming.

Mechanical failure rears its ugly head as Damon’s chain snaps on an uphill. I remove a link and we keep rolling, but he’s probably down a couple more gears now. In times like these, a network of bicycle tourist hospitality types called Warmshowers sometimes comes in handy. A guy named Ben in Jacumba had previously given me permission to camp on his land, and it turns out he can get us out of the ensuing windstorm via and old RV. Now we just have to make it there without incident.

With a few well earned descents we cover 15 good miles before the mountain winds come whipping in. First, I only notice the gusts kicking up when I come around a bend on a downhill and it smacks me in my face. Later, I’m broadsided by one and almost thrown off my steed into the road. This is a white knuckle affair. A royal rumble championship match. Fortunately we only get hit head-on about 10% of the time, as we gut out another 20-25 miles of climbs and descents — gripping hard and trying not to fall off a cliff or get blown into traffic. Wind is nature’s biggest fan. After 4,603 feet of total elevation gain, some life threatening gusts, and miles upon miles of stupid expensive dumb ass border wall, Ben’s quirky spread of land lays just beyond a UFO cemetery. I don’t have the energy to stop or to make that up; I promise pictures when I go past it again tomorrow morning.

This place is tits. Ben is even down with universal health care like any same human being. Our RV smells a little funky and rocks back and forth with the 50+ mph winds outside, but we have electricity, water, heat, a stove and shelter. There’s also a tower. A wonderful view. A bell. A Ganesha. Som me sort of photo and video shoot. Marshall Tucker Band lyrics on a wall. Three dogs. And of course this beautiful cock:

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